Are you already experiencing a change in your job, life, and relationship? Have you been going through many internal changes that have left you wondering who you are and where you’re going?
What seems to bother most people is a lack of control during times of change. Most of us carry assumptions about the nature of life and about ourselves. Current reality can collide with the assumptions we make and create a lot of anxiety and pain for us.
Do you have any of these assumptions?
Someday I’ll get to a place where everything is handled and in order. I should be able to control my life and keep everything together.
Life should be fair.
Once I get everything under control, I’ll be happy.
If I’m a good person, then everything should work out—a great job, relationship, money.
When something bad or difficult happens to me, there’s something wrong with me.
I’m making a positive change so I should be able to adjust to it immediately.
An important part of becoming comfortable with change is recognizing that life isn’t always fair. Bad or difficult things happen to everyone, whether we’re good people or not. Circumstances happen that are often out of our control. Any change, positive or negative, can be stressful.
Am I creating all of this?
New age philosophies often teach us that we create everything in our lives. If what happens in our life often appears to be out of our control, how do we reconcile this difference? Each person should answer this individually. We create our own reality and must choose what we want to create and take the steps towards our goals. People cannot control others or the exact circumstances of our lives. They can, however, control their perceptions, actions, and reactions. A harmonious life can be a balance of making life happen as well as allowing it to happen.
One of the most important things we can learn is to let go.
Mourning the past
Change involves a shift from the past to the present, from the old to the new. The moment you make a change, you are losing something. The first step in the process of change is allowing yourself to mourn the loss of this past reality.
Even if you’re making a good change, you’re still moving out of the old and familiar. There may be a part of you that you’re letting go of—your inner critic, helpless victim or self-destructive part—even the image of yourself as a single person if you’ve decided to get married or commit to a relationship. To get comfortable with change, then, requires that you allow yourself the discomfort and sadness of leaving behind that which is known.
Moving into the new
It takes time to assimilate the changes you are making. You may expect yourself to know what you’re doing right away, to adjust to new circumstances immediately. If you’re making changes right now, please be patient with yourself. Change takes time. You may feel out of control or find yourself wavering between the old and the new. That’s natural. It takes time to make a 100% shift.
Where do I go from here?
Here are some simple techniques you can use to assist you in the process of change:
- List 20 things that are important to you.
- List 20 things you love to do. Emphasize those things that are most nourishing for you.
- For one week, write spontaneous answers to these questions:
- What do I want? Who do I want to be? Who am I now?
- Write down and visualize how you want to experience yourself and your life when you’ve made the desired changes.
As you develop trust in yourself and begin to see results, you may grow to welcome and enjoy the ongoing process of change. There’s always an opportunity to create the life you desire.